Musings & Commiserations

I wrote this post a while back after seeing so many floating around the Internet, and several have made me think "I would want my child to know something like that," but at the end of the day none of them were really what I would have said. So, if I could tell my child anything, I would tell them: Be confident in who you are, whomever that may be.  I have struggled for so long trying to figure out who I really am. I was 21 when I wrote this and couldn't tell you who I truly was. Today, at almost 26, I still cannot say I know for a fact who I am. None of that matters, though. What matters is that I'm confident in myself, which has taken even longer for me to accept and really understand. When we live in a world so full of mixed messages about what kind of person is perfect, it's hard. But Christ made us perfectly, and we should be proud of that. No other person's validation should bring us joy, because we were already made perfect in His image and He has ...

Some days you just feel like writing; even if it's about nothing or to document the sad stuff, writing is an outlet. At least it is for me. Have you ever had a situation, just something going on in your life, you really feel no one else can understand or you can never seem to find the proper words to use when explaining it to someone else? Someone who doesn't know you well enough? I feel like that every day. Between chronic migraines, depression, anxiety, a turbulent family life and the feeling of more bad things than good, it gets hard to keep up with it on my own, so how do I explain it to someone else? Trust me when I say I'm constantly focusing on the good in life, though. It may not seem like it, trust me I know that too, but every day I practice a mindfulness of the good in my life and in this world. But, there are some days where I sit down and accept my defeat knowing it's all for a greater good. I have learned some days will not be good and that's OK to...

I often have a moment that I know is going to be one that I'll remember forever. Yesterday, my granddad and I were sitting in the kitchen and he started making a pineapple sandwich. It was bread, mayonnaise, crushed pineapple and cheese. I couldn't believe he was going to eat it, but he somehow got me to try a bite of his sandwich. It was surprisingly very good. I ended up making me a pineapple sandwich and he and I laughed the whole time. Before he let me try his he said, "hold on, let me lick it first." When I was about 6 or 7 I was eating a sausage biscuit and he'd wanted a bite. I remember not wanting to let him have any because 1) it was mine and 2) it was the last one, so before I was going to let him have a bite I licked it. I mean I licked that biscuit up one side and down the other. I don't think I've ever heard that man laugh as hard as he did that day. He was never going to actually eat my biscuit because it was mine, but then I did that and he ...

The last two days, I have had a migraine, but ... if you didn't know me, I'm sure you would not be able to tell. At any given moment I'm ruminating on yesterday, today, tomorrow, last year, last week, next week, three years from now and in the present. The ideas never stop coming. The feelings never stop coming. Anxiety, and depression, are debilitating disorder on their own, but adding in chronic cluster migraines (often referred to as ‘suicide migraines’) takes things to the next level. Feelings in fact are magnified tenfold making them even worse compared to what a "normal" person would deal with. You think your bad day is bad, try one of mine. Something little quickly turns into something big and something big is quickly something ginormous. It's comical at times. You think you can handle something, but then you're crying in the middle of the grocery store because you can't decide what kind of shampoo you're going to get now because OF COURS...