Musings & Commiserations

Some wounds heal. Some wounds fester. For years, I have dealt with a festering wound, raw and unclean, made worse with each form of contact. They say removing toxic people from your life starts with understanding the person will never change, and with concentrated efforts, understanding their forms of projection will help to reduce the power the person holds over your emotions. I say this only works some of the time. With modern technology comes numerous forms of contact - wanted or unwanted. You can unfollow someone, restrict them or even block them as a whole, but the most toxic of people will still find a way. Love can be toxic - even from someone it should never. I wrote a post several years back and re-blogged it on a blog whose domain has since gone to Internet heaven, but the last few days I have thought of it often. Not because I know I will now have a chance to tell my future nugget a few things, but because they were things I was never told. Not everything you do h...

May 2, I got my first 'wow, you guys looked so happy, though,' and I know it will not be my last by any means, but I look forward to when these words change. I agree, we looked happy, but really, it is hard for two people to be happy together when each only loves the idea of the other and there are more problems which lay below the surface. Over the last two months, I have continued to realize how much of myself I gave up because of someone else - not just morally, but personally, emotionally and, even at times, physically. I let someone push and pull me around although I could have changed these things more easily than I thought. Before, going through any situation similar to this, I would shun anything mutually related to who I was previously, whether I had arguable claim to the thing or not. I would have moped and not allowed myself to re-enjoy the things which once made me happy. Though I have never been in a situation quite like the one I previously was, I can say, i...