A Wound
Some wounds heal. Some wounds fester.
For years, I have dealt with a festering wound, raw and unclean, made worse with each form of contact.
They say removing toxic people from your life starts with understanding the person will never change, and with concentrated efforts, understanding their forms of projection will help to reduce the power the person holds over your emotions. I say this only works some of the time.
With modern technology comes numerous forms of contact - wanted or unwanted. You can unfollow someone, restrict them or even block them as a whole, but the most toxic of people will still find a way.
Love can be toxic - even from someone it should never. I wrote a post several years back and re-blogged it on a blog whose domain has since gone to Internet heaven, but the last few days I have thought of it often. Not because I know I will now have a chance to tell my future nugget a few things, but because they were things I was never told.
I have not lived my life seeking the approval of another for enough time the thought no longer crosses my mind. Today, I work hard to make myself proud and feel content with an honest day's work. Many yesterdays ago, I would have wondered if it was all enough.
Though seven years has passed between my first pass at what I would tell my nugget, I still stand by those words. I dread the day I explain to my child why those words mean so much to me, but I hope to be able to have created a free and open space for them to grow into themselves without the toxic, self-serving love I was once shown.
For years, I have dealt with a festering wound, raw and unclean, made worse with each form of contact.
They say removing toxic people from your life starts with understanding the person will never change, and with concentrated efforts, understanding their forms of projection will help to reduce the power the person holds over your emotions. I say this only works some of the time.
With modern technology comes numerous forms of contact - wanted or unwanted. You can unfollow someone, restrict them or even block them as a whole, but the most toxic of people will still find a way.
Love can be toxic - even from someone it should never. I wrote a post several years back and re-blogged it on a blog whose domain has since gone to Internet heaven, but the last few days I have thought of it often. Not because I know I will now have a chance to tell my future nugget a few things, but because they were things I was never told.
Not everything you do has to be done seeking my approval.
You'll understand why this is so important to me with time. Half of my problem with being who I wanted to be was I wasn't ever trying to be who I wanted to be. I sought approval, constantly. It wasn't from my peers, but it would have been just as bad if I had. Not every thing you do is going to make me happy, and it doesn't have to as long as you are happy. I am not you; you are not me. We should never try to validate each other as a person because we are not the same. I promise to not do this to you.
I have not lived my life seeking the approval of another for enough time the thought no longer crosses my mind. Today, I work hard to make myself proud and feel content with an honest day's work. Many yesterdays ago, I would have wondered if it was all enough.
Though seven years has passed between my first pass at what I would tell my nugget, I still stand by those words. I dread the day I explain to my child why those words mean so much to me, but I hope to be able to have created a free and open space for them to grow into themselves without the toxic, self-serving love I was once shown.
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