Glimmers & glaring atrocities

A wise man once said, “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end”, and today, I can say this is true. 

After eight long years, several jokes about quitting and several non-jokes about quitting, my time in Corporate America (for now) has come to an end. While the “tech-ening” got many in the spring, and summer, I was laid off this fall. Please know, I am neither bitter nor upset, more than anything I feel a sense of relief. 

Throughout my eight years in this space, I felt repressed and unable to be my fully authentic self. At all times, some part of me was hidden from view for fear of continued persecution and bullying from those put in a position to help me grow within my career and help me to succeed in a space already difficult for a female to navigate. 

 

At times, I felt ashamed, at times angered. Most of all, I felt fear of retaliation from those put in a position of power … a position to “help”. For a small time, I felt abandoned. Today, I feel a feeling of gratitude toward those who (hopefully) continue to do the right thing, though they may face adversity along the way. 

 

At a company who has championed a culture of diversity, equity and inclusion, a culture of bigotry has cultivated itself deep within an already segregated space. I was told I was “too pretty”; I was told I was “too bubbly”, and I was told I would never be taken seriously. On top of this, I found myself judged, bullied and outted in front of my peers for things inconsequential to those around me on an every day basis. My personal life and my corporate life collided in such a way, I, at times, felt unsafe to be who felt best to me. And, thus, as a result, I dimmed my light. Both factions of my life, personal and professional, suffered in such a way, I began to purposefully isolate myself and regress in ways I would have never anticipated. 

 

While to a particular audience, I may have been “extra” or a “snowflake” for believing the things I do, I’m happy to say, for many of those I worked with in this environment, this was not the case. I have relished the opportunity to grow from and with those who sought to be inclusive, encouraging and their most authentic selves. Those lights have shined the brightest and should never be dimmed. Because of these individuals, my light shines brighter, and turning the page on a putrid chapter of my life has been so much easier than expected. Please know, at the end of the day, you are the reason I stayed. At the end of the day, I hope I shielded you to the best of my ability from the negativity. 

 

Looking back over the last eight years, I wish I had done more to say more, to push the button more, to be an advocate and a better ally, but the fact of the matter is, when I pushed the button enough, when I finally took the time to pushback and speak up, even just for myself … well, I guess it sort of feels like the reason I am writing this now, huh?

 

Speaking up in the face of tyranny is hard. I don’t blame those who too have fallen silent when seeing things they disagree with, and I don’t blame those who tried and failed to address the concerns they had over the last few years. This is no easy feat to say what I say to you now … 

 

In my first “big girl job” as an investigative journalist, a dear friend said to me, “never be the mouse in someone’s pocket”; I encourage each of you the same thing. Speak up for others. Take care of one another. When you see something, say something. Understand we are all on a flaming shit-ball rock in the sky floating through space … we all have our own problems, our own concerns; be kind to each other, regardless.