Closure

Closure, defined, as 'an act of closing:the condition of being closed,' may be able to be obtained if things are cut, dry, but what if things aren't so neat? What if there are open-ended questions needing to be answered?

Some days, forgiveness does not always mean re-connection nor does it mean reconciliation, and this too can be said for closure. Simply because you're in a place to cope, deal and process the emotions entangled around a situation, you may be able to move past this place in life ... alone ... It is the times when you are not in a place to cope, deal and process where it hurts you.

A situation can go from good to great, from great to good and from great to worse, but once things have gone sour, not much can be said of it. Especially if you are left without an understanding or reason the thing may have gone sour. 

I have always been deductive, inquisitive and knowledge-seeking; if there is an answer to a question, I want it. Not having an answer to the question, 'why,' has been the hardest. My grandmother once said speculation is more fun than the truth, but I disagree. I know there is a reason and an answer, so naturally, I want it. But, understanding I likely will not get the answer I want, I need to find my own 'closure.'  My sense of understanding I will never be put through something I could not handle has helped tremendously, but it still does not answer 'why.' 

It has been about a month since I started writing this, and I am still working through gaining 'closure.' Even took time to google questions on how to get 'closure' during the month I was gone, and truthfully, much of what I learned is I was already taking the right steps to get the closure I was seeking - writing letters I never intended to send, I talked and talked and talked about the issue with those I trusted, I started to consciously break negative patterns I had created and even took time to do something fun. I started seeing friends again, going out of my comfort zone to an extent. I deleted social media apps from my phone; I stopped looking for validation in places I knew I would not get it. Though ... none of this has brought me what I considered 'closure.'

We will see what another month brings. :)